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  • Writer's pictureAliya

Flirt, Cry, Kiss, Repeat




First of all, I missed last week. Spoiler alert, Zach kissed some ladies, and some other ladies went home (one got the boot because she mentioned her IG follower count – the horror!). Go watch it, or don’t. I’m not your mom.


If last week’s theme was saying the quiet part out loud (we’re all here to boost our social media numbers, shhhhh), this week’s theme was The Bachelor – he’s just like us! Because Zach took his ladies on vacation in London, then promptly got Covid.


Most of us can relate to vacation plans getting derailed by Covid. It’s a risk we all take when we book that ticket for ourselves and our eight romantic partners to go overseas. To be fair, if you’re tonguing down eight different women on a daily basis, Covid should be the least of your worries.



the bachelor virtual rose ceremony
Positive Covid test = Rose ceremony over Zoom. Hey Zach, you're still on mute!

If you’re wondering, I am still cringing my way through this show. Each week, the women are tossed the bare minimum – like Zach complimenting their outfits – and are promptly brought to tears by his “kindness” and “thoughtfulness.” “You like my dress? That makes me feel so safe with you.” They go on to confide previous traumas, bad relationships, self-esteem issues, and Zach sits there, quietly nodding his head in concern. And this really does it for them. It’s as if they expected Zach to storm off after they shared that their last boyfriend didn’t treat them very well. “I’m glad you’re not running away,” they admit. Deep therapy-fueled sigh.


And there’s more. They awkwardly smile while a contestant describes how intimate her kiss was with the guy they are also “dating.” They speak of marriage and kids with a man that they haven’t had an off-camera conversation with. And these women are successful – nurses, managers, business owners – and beauty-queen gorgeous, yet happy to literally compete over this OK-looking sales manager from who knows where.


“I feel like I’m being stood up,” one women lamented when Zach didn’t show up for the cocktail party, while two other women cried the makeup off their faces in disappointment. But the tears were not limited to the women, Zach also shed a few when addressing his frustration with the abrupt change in plans. And that, I get. Imagine getting a free trip to London, but you end up quarantined in your hotel room the whole time. Bollocks!


Throughout the episode, I couldn’t help but wonder what the level of producer involvement was on the show. The cast is consistently verbalizing in awkward settings their excitement or disappointment, as if they are in some type of group therapy session. Some get cute moments with Zach with props and activities, while the others are left to their own devices. I may be a cynic, but there’s just no part of me that actually believes these people truly think they have met a future spouse. But, it has happened!



the bachelor posing at bar
OK Zach, sit here by the barrels and look meaningfully off camera. We need B-roll for when you're monologuing about your strong feelings for a dozen women.


I guess I’m having trouble trying to figure out where the reality tv ends, and the actual reality begins.


See you next week.

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